Don't Deny It, Admit It According to Psychologist Leon Festinger's social comparison theory, we have an innate need to make judgements about ourselves, which we do by gauging where we stand relative to others. It's human nature to compare ourselves to those around us, a trait that allows us to coexist as a community while learning from one another. Recognizing and accepting this helps to neutralize the negative charge that can accompany social comparison and makes it less likely to trigger destructive psychological responses such as low self-esteem and confidence.
Turn Criticism into a Compliment
You're working up a good sweat on the treadmill and feeling good about yourself. When you look over, you notice that the person next to you is running at a faster and steeper pace, with no hair out of place. You suddenly have the sinking feeling that you are not enough. You convince yourself that they were born with running genes or that they are wearing super high-tech shoes that give them an advantage. You won't admit it, but jealousy is making you feel inadequate, and you react by finding flaws or putting others down.
It may temporarily make you feel better, but only temporarily, and you will eventually feel worse because that behavior is not consistent with who you are. Turn things around by being honest about how you feel: Sure, they have something you don't or can do something you can't – yet. Instead of criticizing, compliment them on it. Trust us, you'll feel better about it. It's also a great way to break the ice and possibly make a new friend.
Convert Envy to Aspiration
Now that you've admitted what bothered you about the comparison, you also know what you truly desire for yourself. To run faster on the treadmill? To do more weight lifting? Make it a goal to strive for. Consider the person you were comparing yourself to. Create a mental image to serve as your muse, inspiration, and benchmark. You've actually seen someone do what you want to do, so you know it's possible.
So, contrary to popular belief, comparing is not synonymous with despair. You can turn it into a constructive endeavor that lifts you up and elevates your game in all aspects of life.
